The Friendship Highway

Who hasn't heard the saying, "Friendship is a two way street" at least a hundred times? But equally, who has experienced that it's not always a well paved street, without huge pot-holes, broken street signs, and the occasional down power line? The implication that you give as well as you receive is ideal, but sadly, rarely true.

Let's take a walk down this two way street and see what it really consists of. First, there's the initial on-ramp to what we'll call the Friendship Highway. It's the point in which you meet someone you have something in common with, discovered through a general conversation or introduction by another friend. It's a precarious beginning, neither party are entirely sure where the other has been, and just like getting onto a freeway, you're hyper-aware of what's around you as you merge. So now that you're on the road, what happens next? It's time to accelerate. You start by hanging out or having longer conversations with the other person, potentially finding more in common, sharing a little personal insight of your life, and moving forward to getting to understand the basics of the other person. It's a careful step, but far less dangerous than the merge, because now you're on the road and it's up to you if you want to stomp on the gas or coast for a little bit. There of course off ramps on Friendship Highway, the More-Than-A-Friend exit is often first. The thought of a romantic relationship and a detour off the Highway and onto another completely different Interstate. It's hard to find Friendship Highway after you take this exit; sometimes impossible. Other exits like Argument Avenue, Hurt Feelings Circle, or the Lonely Loop are sometimes visited as well, but unlike the Interstate, finding your way back is easy. It's as simple as a U-Turn at Apology Court.

The problem with the Highway is that often it becomes a one-way road. A road that appears out of nowhere in some cases or eases off the Highway and into said-road with plenty of notice. It's the choice then to either pull over and stop driving, or continue down the road to see if we ever find the Highway again. It's not often you do. In fact, it's probably easier to find the way back from the Interstate of Love than it is to reconnect to the two-way Highway.

Metaphors aside, what do we expect in a friendship, what do we prize higher than anything else? Is it loyalty? Truth? Bluntness? Appreciation? Is it all the above? One of the more common things would be patience, because we as a people have very little of it for people we don't know, and even less for people we do. We expect a lot of our friends sometimes, to know or understand us without question, even to bail us out of a bad decision or bad situation. Is it too much to ask, that someone you've known know you in return? I myself have found many instances when it apparently has been. Who hasn't had a friend who's let them down by not being there for them when it truly counted? Disappointment is a requirement of friendship, but disappearance of foundation isn't. Counting on people takes vulnerability, and just as you might count on your friend you should expect the same in return.

What's brought this on, you might say. This isn't a normal "rant" by your rant-standards, Oceanna! What the hell is going on with you? It's been recently that I've seen both sides of the coin of friendship. Since the beginning of this year I've had the pleasure (as well as frustration) to have a front row seat in both the creation of a new friendship, the dissolution of a "trusted" one, as well as the growth of many of my others. "Knowing who your friends are" is a far easier said than done, but with that knowledge you must allow yourself to see what you're searching out for friends. In our subconscious we make decisions that we never know about, we often connect with people who stimulate a feeling or need in ourselves all the while wondering why we attract this kind of folks. There's a few types, the basics:

--The Fixer: This is someone who loves to "fix" people, make the world a better place, and who more often than not likes to eat shit sandwiches that are handed to them by the Users (see below).

--The Lazy Ass: This is someone who befriends quickly with little to no requirements on the friendship. They equally require little to nothing in return. Sometimes called the "easy going friend" this can sometimes result in a lot of silent misunderstandings because they are incapable of communication that requires effort.

--The User: One of the worst sorts, this person will take you for everything and anything you'll give (sometimes even unwillingly in worst scenarios) and can drain you dry emotionally faster than a dog bowl at dinner time. They especially have a taste for the Fixer, as they are often easy targets.

--The Sunshiner: This is the friend who is perpetually trying to provide you with up-beat thoughts and impressions. Know that the Sunshiner is usually terribly sad when alone, and the cover-up as elaborate as it is, is not hard to see through. It might appear at first like this person is the nicest soul alive, but when you need to commiserate with a situation that is not fixable nor positive, the Sunshiner will make you wish you had a bat and could use their head for practice. The Sunshiner and the Fixer are often spotted together.

--The Fighter: This is the friend who wants you at their side to attack the next victim/problem they deem necessary. The Fighter is complicated, because sometimes it's a relief to see them take over and almost become the Fixer in a way (a very angry way, but still..) but it's just as bad as the Sunshiner..dare you have anything that doesn't require bloodletting in anyway, the Fighter will stare you down like the next opponent.

Make no mistake having just ONE of the above is what you should watch out for..most people are a little of one or two combined. But it's those who are so completely settled in one particular type that lead to problems later. We sometimes choose fruit, clothes, even what gas station we use to fill our cars up, with more care than who we pull close to us in our lives, who we trust, and who we lean on when we need someone.

The Highway is a long one, but it's important to make sure you're not on the one-way road..sometimes they can look eerily similar.