"58 Million Overweight; 40 Million Obese; 3 Million morbidly Obese", according to the CDC Statistics for the United States. For the record, the calculation of obesity is based on a BMI (Body Mass Index) of 30% or higher (meaning you are about thirty-forty pounds overweight). Morbidly Obese is a 40% or high BMI (forty-fifty pounds overweight approximately). The statistical average for overweight are people with about fifteen to twenty pounds to loose, but are active in doing so (gym, diets, etc.)
I thought a little statistical lay out would help put things in perspective for us, because as we all know the CDC is the national go-to people when it comes to us laying out the requirements for children (Presidential Fitness Testing is mandatory to pass in High School and Junior High School in America, and is based on CDC weight loss and BMI calculations and statistical analysis) as well as our health insurance, general treatment by our physicians, and of course, how the country itself will look upon us. That, people, is our first focus. If you're even in the overweight category, walking into a store like Target or even Wal-Mart can be daunting if you are headed to the clothing aisles. The limitations placed on us by the marketing reps for these companies (and many others, but I'll hit those up momentarily) never cease to amaze me. Try a little experiment if you disagree with me, walk into a "general store" (Wal-Mart, Target, Fred Meyer, etc) where they have a small, but decent clothing section. Go towards the largest of your sex's clothing area. Randomly (and let's make sure it's fair, close your eyes and just take the first thing your hand lands on) pick up an article of clothing. Look at the size. Is it your size? Is it even CLOSE to your size? Most of you will say it isn't, I guarantee it. For us women, it'll be a five, or nine, potentially a twelve. For men it'll be a medium, maybe a large. For a society with stats like the above, it sure it hard to cover ourselves up, isn't it?
This rant isn't limited to women or men; in truth, we both have the same problem. It's not just women who are overweight, is it? And while there *is* a debate that clothing men is easier than clothing women (in terms of locating things that fit correctly), I'm not going down that road. No, we'll be equal today. Because in all honesty, we are all being equally discriminated against. So what about the other stores, the Macy's, Sears, J.C Penney's, Kohls, etc. They must be easier to locate sizes above the considered "norm" since they specialize *in* clothing right? You'd be wrong to think so, because despite having a broader spectrum of attire (and arguably better quality in many cases), you'll have generally the same situation. A small, if not insulting, section located in the far reaches of the store with a few random items that have been deemed the unimaginable, the abysmal, "Plus Size" section. You'll find the same thing in the men's department, although they've given up naming the sizes above a 40 or Large to simply the oh-so-creative, "Big & Tall". In essence, for a man, you must be both to buy clothing. It's a sin for you to be simply one or the other. In our sections of disregard, we have the same general selections despite the season or the occasion. Here are a few of the items you can count on being present:
--Elastic waist cotton pants
--Tee shirts (solid colored, rarely patterned)
--Polo shirts (same as tee's)
--Jogging/work out clothing (sweat pants, drawstring pajama style pants, hooded sweat shirts, etc.)
The slight differences in our departments would be that in the "Plus Size" realm you have skirts that are knee length or longer (also traditionally elastic waisted), the occasional button down shirt (solid colored or designed with something akin to large plastic gemstones), and of course, jeans (90% of the time any size higher than a 20w is impossible to find, and many also contain the fat-woman's friend apparently, elastic waists). In the "Big & Tall" kingdom, you'll see the cotton chino-style pants (welcome back elastic! We missed you!), the button down camp-style shirts (mostly short sleeved, because apparently fatness is warm), and oddly enough, shorts. Yes, shorts in that department of the men's clothing can be found year around. Basket ball style shorts, the famed chino-style, draw string, etc. Jeans? You'd have more luck in the women's departments guys, sorry.
So if you can't find clothes in the department stores or the general stores, where do you go? You go to the speciality stores, that's where! Where the sizes are more commonly easier to find, the styling a little bit more broad and trendy, and where you can be sure that asking for a bigger size won't end you up in something that could double for a moo-moo for us ladies, or sweat pants for you guys. This fabled place where we can feel like humans again and like potentially we can look appealing, pretty (handsome), or at the very least comfortable. But settle down, because once you see the price tag you may need a defibrillator to bring you back around. These stores know that they are limited in numbers, and that we (the 50 million or so), are dependent on them to bring us a little of the respect that other, considered beautiful and worthy, individuals get regularly. They are so "in the know" about it, that charging fifty dollars for a tee shirt doesn't make them squirm with embarrassment. Or watching the economy stricken customers they have wince, as they shell out a hundred and twenty dollars for a pair of jeans (the kind where elastic isn't the main material). They use the fact that no one else is stepping up to the plate, and if we don't like the cost, well my friend you can just waddle it on down to the Sears across the parking lot and yank up a pair of those lovely elastic waist little numbers and head on home.
Our choice is to wear what we can afford and feel even lesser about ourselves then we are conditioned by television, radio, even strangers to feel. Or, we can sell a kidney, put ourselves in debt, and be extra careful with the washing of anything we own and buy the clothing choices that allow us the minimum ability to "blend in" with the people around us. The Lane Bryant's, Avenues, Casual Male XL's, they know we are so limited, and still so very human in our need to be accepted and admired, that the price tags can say anything, no matter how outrageous, and we'll try won't we...we'll try to fill in the need with the cash, and walk out of the store holding our bags and mentally telling ourselves that it was a "necessity" and what choice did we have. Sadly, both justifications are true. And sadder still, often result in us returning to buy more from that same place.
With a society so apparently overwrought with overweight tenancies and the obesity rate as high as it is, you'd want to argue that more designers, more stores, more ease would come (and come soon) for us wouldn't you? That general stores would find themselves losing money on the clothing they did carry, and that places like Kohl's or Sears would scratch their heads and consider expanding the larger size sections and including fashionable, acceptable, clothing for the customers. But you'd be holding your breath for a long, long time because in truth regardless of how much we'll spend to look "normal" we are the people that are overlooked and glanced over. It's the people we see on television, the actresses and actors in movies, the styles that get the attention of the few that can wear it that they see. A loss for them? Absolutely. A bigger loss for us? Unfortunately.
I'm going to take a moment to say something to the catering stores that allow us to shop there as they financially devastate us: I am fat; not stupid. I am aware that flowered, large, brilliantly colored outfits might look fashion-forward of the size small and mediums of the world. I'm equally aware that I look like a circus tent when I put them on. Also, flared jeans do NOT make you "appear more balanced in the waist and hips" for women. They make you look like your ankles are as big as your ass, and there is no need to draw MORE attention to your ass. Please stop carrying "low rise" jeans in sizes above a sixteen. They don't look great on women who can wear them, so shoving our heaviness into pants that are made to "hang" on the hips do nothing more than make us appear as an overstuffed muffin. Gentlemen, stand up for yourselves with the goddamned hawaiian shirts please. Just because you were a 3x or higher doesn't mean you are on vacation in the Bahamas all year long. Putting drink glasses and fruit or large St. Bernard's do NOT make it more "festive", it just makes you look like you wear black socks with shorts (and if you do, please knock that the hell off too). Stand up for yourselves against the insane theory that you must be seven foot tall to wear a size 48 in pants. That a 48" waist man cannot by any means find a pair of 30" inseam jeans is a goddamned criminal act.
We are people too. Yes, we maybe bigger than others, we might look like Kate Blanchett or Brad Pitt, we may need a few additional inches here and there. But we want the same things you do. We want to be pretty, or handsome, we want to be appreciated and admired for our taste. Instead of dressing us like targets so people know we are unworthy of the above, instead of making us poorer and more depressed, instead of focusing on trends and not what actually *looks* good, and instead of making every single one of us understand that we are NOT your priority, NOT your favorite client or customer, and NOT your problem...try to see that we are the majority now. And in the future, will push out the size twos and mediums into the minority. We are power executives, we are great mothers and fathers, we are good citizens, tax payers, law abiders, neighbors. And we will, by God, been seen as equal to the rest that hold us down because we are different.
In closing, I want to tell you about something that happened to me. I was twelve years old, in Junior High School, and my P.E. class required us to "purchase" gym uniforms. The uniforms were shorts (a terrible golden rod color), and a dual sided tee shirt in black and the same godforsaken golden rod color on the opposite side. The shorts and shirt were a requirement, and you'd get "points" taken off if you arrived on the tarmac for class out of uniform. Too many points removed, no matter how great you did in the class, you'd never pass it. The uniform shirts came in size s-xl. The shorts, the same. XL was the equivalent to a woman's size 14, and the boys XL was around a 34" waist. The shorts were very short, traditional gym shorts (or often called running shorts), and had an inseam of about three inches or so. My parents, having no choice, gave me the money to purchase these items in the student store. I bought both in XL, being twelve and not fully grasping the idea that one XL doesn't mean another will fit simply because it says its the same size. I went into gym that day, my shorts and shirt under my arm, and began to dress. The shirt fit, a little snug over my (smaller than now, however, lol) belly, but the shorts..the shorts I couldn't get up past my thighs. I struggled for a good ten, fifteen minutes in the dressing room until most of the girls had left and I was in there alone. I looked at the tag, even knowing I had gotten the right size, and it confirmed it was an XL. There were no sizes bigger. The low that I felt, the embarrassment that steadily creeped in as I slid my pants back on and slowly made my way back out into the tarmac was unbelievable. The teacher wrote my demerit down, and after class was over I told her I had bought the uniform, that the shorts were in my locker but they hadn't fit even though I bought the XL. She looked me, straight in the eye, and said "well then..looks like you need to loose some weight if you want to pass this class."
As it ended up, I wore the sweat pants that were part of the uniform, snugly like the shirt, for the remaining year even in the heat. But that feeling, that feeling of not being good enough to fit in with the rest of the class, the feeling of knowing that I was the only little girl out there in August, sweating profusely as I tried to run laps, that stayed with me. And even as I look back on it now, wondering how many other girls or boys had that same problem, how many sat in the locker rooms holding those shorts and willing themselves NOT to cry because they felt too ugly, too terrible, to be treated just like everyone else.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
Parenting Classes for the Asses
..I debated for almost three days on what to name this rant. At first, hard as it might be to believe, I was actually trying to figure out a way to say what I felt without offending the dozen plus friends of mine who are parents. Around day two I decided that if they've been friends with me this long, chances are, I've probably already pissed them off once or twice. The title stuck.
The fact is the good parents are often overlooked, taken for granted, or just generally ignored. It's the ones that I'll be addressing here today that typically get all the attention. So before I begin this dangerous treading I'm about to do, let me preface with if you think this is about you, or that I hate your kids, then you'll need to stop reading at this moment. I can't control what you think from this point on, so just go ahead, I won't be offended, click the back button and go about your day. Skip this rant, and I'm sure years to come you'll be glad you did.
Now, if you're still here then you obviously have understood the need for someone to finally say something about out of control children, bad disciplinary tactics, and all above just stupid parenting. I promise, you won't be disappointed. Ready? Let's get started..
When I was a kid (as with many of you reading this), our generation didn't accept specific behaviors in public as well as in private. But let's focus on the public portion for this topic, because what and how parents manage children behind the front doors I'm least concerned with. It's when it effects me, and my life, that I start to raise that proverbial hand to comment. I'll say the obvious, I'm not a parent. Nor will I ever be. It's my choice, and a choice I made a long time ago for what I can say now, must have been psychic intuition. It's true, my patience can be low at times, and it's common knowledge I am protective about my belongings and material possessions. Neither factor, very kid friendly. I applaud those of you who have decided to have children, but I wonder sometimes if that decision was made or just accepted. You'll understand what I mean in a moment.
About a week ago, I ventured into a salad buffet restaurant. It's important for me to say I'm using this one instance as a mark on all the PRIOR instances exact same replicas of this situation have happened; don't think I'm taking one bad moment to base this rant on. You know me better than that, people. So while eating, I saw that the line at the salad bar was getting quite long, and not to mention, quite loud. I glanced behind me to see what the issue happened to be, and noted that around the middle section of the herd, there were about seven children. Between the ages of five and possibly ten, they were yelling, laughing, kicking each other, digging in the salad toppings, and for all purposes just being jackasses. The parents, a younger couple around the early stages of thirty, were all but ignoring them. Piling and concentrating on their own plates, as the line moved steadily down towards the register. Like I said, it was quite a long line at this point, and dotted down were more children, same behavior for the most part. Also, more seemingly exhausted, apathetic, apparently deaf, parents. The woman near my table, eating her salad, was also looking up rather annoyed at the noise. It occurred to me, as cases like this often do, that parenting is a skill..not a pre-existing mannerism employed by birthing something out of your body.
When I was younger, "acting up" as it was called in public was a death sentence. Embarrassing my parents, or generally embarrassing myself was considered reason for conversation, for addressing. And usually that conversation included a spanking, the promise of a spanking, or the "look" that meant that a spanking was coming any second. I'll say, this worked wonders for clearing my mind of any further mischievous actions or need to further the point. I did not argue, I did not continue, I merely noted this in my child's brain, and quickly came to the conclusion that a spanking, no matter what present form it was in, was not on my agenda. To say that I "did what I was told" at all junctions, would be insane. I was a kid, not Mother Teresa. But I did understand that action=consequence, and consequence=bad. Now, if I still chose the continue, even understanding what would come from it, I obtained a certain level of hesitation. Like jumping from a bungee cord, you know chances are you'll be fine, but committing your body to leaping to it's death is a lot harder than you'd think. The same goes for the child's mind..committing to doing something you know will more or less get you in trouble can sometimes lead to a little hesitation, or in other cases, a half-assed attempt.
But the problem is now parents are unable, unwilling, unskilled enough to know how to handle their kids in public. Some blame society, saying that it's become socially unacceptable to spank, handle, or use any force on your child in public for fear of retribution from others in the form of child endangerment or child abuse. I can't directly argue with this point, as it has some validity to it. In a lot of instances, the discipline we experienced as kids cannot always be employed these days, which is a failure in our child protective laws. While so focused on keeping kids "safe" from the physical actions of adults, we spend time monitoring what has always until recently, been declared acceptable parenting solutions (i.e., spanking, etc.) and therefore have less time to truly see the children who are not being handled acceptably (i.e., sexual assaults, broken bones, etc.). We've become too caught up in abolishment of all physical discipline to see that there has *always* been a line between the two. And if we cannot trust skilled (supposedly skilled, I should say) people to know and see the line for what it is, then why do we have them in the first place?
Others argue that parents now were treated differently, the rise of the "time out" children has given away to them producing off-spring. Potentially, also correct. In the late eighties, early nineties, the blossom of "new parenting" took place, and everyone was on board with the nature of "talking to your children so they can understand how you feel", and "exploring the option of sitting to think of what they've done alone" instead of the tried and true methods prior. The problem, and one of many, with these actions is that kids haven't developed a sense of adult reasoning. You cannot sit down with a child and explain why Mommy doesn't want to be looked at as the worst mother of the year when you pull down the shelf of candy at the store because I won't buy you one. It's not that simple with children, and in a lot of cases, not even that simple with adults either. Reason and logic don't find hold in children's brains until they can make decisions based on need. And that's not limited to an age (some children advance faster than others), but it's a limit that should be understood by the PARENT. You spend time with your kid, know what he or she is capable of grasping, you should also know what will work in terms of educating your child on behavior needs. I'll say that most kids aren't adapt to understanding those complexities. Most understand my equation above, bad behavior=bad result. And if you think that a "bad result" is sitting your kid down and talking AT them for five, ten, even fifteen minutes, then you yourself need someone to sit down with and figure out what the hell is wrong with you.
None of this is to say that talking to children is useless. It's just not the singular tool it's been made out to be. When I would get in trouble, included in the physical reminder that I was misbehaving, I would also get a short, child-understandable, statement. "You will knock that off or you'll spend the night in your room.", etc. Instead we see parents, like the ones at the salad buffet, literally doing nothing. Why is that? Is it because they don't know *what* to do? Is it because they can't figure out what works with the kid? If either of these are the issue, then seek parenting assistance. It is not the responsibility for the rest of us to face down your screaming kid because you are unsure of how to handle him or her. Where did the parent embarrassment go?
I'll hazard the guess that the whole embarrassment level has decreased because most everyone just pretends that it isn't happening. Whereas years past, a screaming child would get the attention of most everyone around. The eyes would burn into you until you carted that kid out of the room, and took care of the situation so as not to disturb everyone else. I find it interesting we have given over to apparent apathy in this regard. We as a society enjoy our solitude, we aren't "neighborly" as previously, and we don't tend to talk to strangers often. Most are fearful of what or who you could be talking to these days, but even with that need to remain solo and protected within yourself, we don't take a stand to protect ourselves from the onslaught of a kid in full tantrum mode. We don't say anything because that would pop our bubble of solitude. Yet, we are unable to be comfortable because of the action around us. What a vicious circle we dance.
It goes without saying that all of us have experienced these cases, the screaming kid in line at the store, the toddler upset at the table, just as we have experienced the parents that don't even pause in conversation when it happens. The ones that ignore, ignore, ignore and expect us all to do the same. Raising children to see that turning a blind eye to bad action in the world is the only acceptable thing to do. Does anyone take a moment to think that your children will raise children of their own, children who will be raised in the same methods that they themselves experienced? The few of us still around that remember the way it used to be will fade out, and frighteningly be replaced with the new breed of parent, the incompetent one.
In closing I'm going to say that I have had the blessing to see a parent or two from the "olden ways" take control of an out of control kid. I've not seen it enough though. And I'm hoping that if enough of us refuse to accept the behavior of disrespect, that eventually the embarrassment level will return. If you think you can handle little Jeffery or Nicole on your terms, keep in mind that the people who don't think you can, are watching to see how successful you really are.
The fact is the good parents are often overlooked, taken for granted, or just generally ignored. It's the ones that I'll be addressing here today that typically get all the attention. So before I begin this dangerous treading I'm about to do, let me preface with if you think this is about you, or that I hate your kids, then you'll need to stop reading at this moment. I can't control what you think from this point on, so just go ahead, I won't be offended, click the back button and go about your day. Skip this rant, and I'm sure years to come you'll be glad you did.
Now, if you're still here then you obviously have understood the need for someone to finally say something about out of control children, bad disciplinary tactics, and all above just stupid parenting. I promise, you won't be disappointed. Ready? Let's get started..
When I was a kid (as with many of you reading this), our generation didn't accept specific behaviors in public as well as in private. But let's focus on the public portion for this topic, because what and how parents manage children behind the front doors I'm least concerned with. It's when it effects me, and my life, that I start to raise that proverbial hand to comment. I'll say the obvious, I'm not a parent. Nor will I ever be. It's my choice, and a choice I made a long time ago for what I can say now, must have been psychic intuition. It's true, my patience can be low at times, and it's common knowledge I am protective about my belongings and material possessions. Neither factor, very kid friendly. I applaud those of you who have decided to have children, but I wonder sometimes if that decision was made or just accepted. You'll understand what I mean in a moment.
About a week ago, I ventured into a salad buffet restaurant. It's important for me to say I'm using this one instance as a mark on all the PRIOR instances exact same replicas of this situation have happened; don't think I'm taking one bad moment to base this rant on. You know me better than that, people. So while eating, I saw that the line at the salad bar was getting quite long, and not to mention, quite loud. I glanced behind me to see what the issue happened to be, and noted that around the middle section of the herd, there were about seven children. Between the ages of five and possibly ten, they were yelling, laughing, kicking each other, digging in the salad toppings, and for all purposes just being jackasses. The parents, a younger couple around the early stages of thirty, were all but ignoring them. Piling and concentrating on their own plates, as the line moved steadily down towards the register. Like I said, it was quite a long line at this point, and dotted down were more children, same behavior for the most part. Also, more seemingly exhausted, apathetic, apparently deaf, parents. The woman near my table, eating her salad, was also looking up rather annoyed at the noise. It occurred to me, as cases like this often do, that parenting is a skill..not a pre-existing mannerism employed by birthing something out of your body.
When I was younger, "acting up" as it was called in public was a death sentence. Embarrassing my parents, or generally embarrassing myself was considered reason for conversation, for addressing. And usually that conversation included a spanking, the promise of a spanking, or the "look" that meant that a spanking was coming any second. I'll say, this worked wonders for clearing my mind of any further mischievous actions or need to further the point. I did not argue, I did not continue, I merely noted this in my child's brain, and quickly came to the conclusion that a spanking, no matter what present form it was in, was not on my agenda. To say that I "did what I was told" at all junctions, would be insane. I was a kid, not Mother Teresa. But I did understand that action=consequence, and consequence=bad. Now, if I still chose the continue, even understanding what would come from it, I obtained a certain level of hesitation. Like jumping from a bungee cord, you know chances are you'll be fine, but committing your body to leaping to it's death is a lot harder than you'd think. The same goes for the child's mind..committing to doing something you know will more or less get you in trouble can sometimes lead to a little hesitation, or in other cases, a half-assed attempt.
But the problem is now parents are unable, unwilling, unskilled enough to know how to handle their kids in public. Some blame society, saying that it's become socially unacceptable to spank, handle, or use any force on your child in public for fear of retribution from others in the form of child endangerment or child abuse. I can't directly argue with this point, as it has some validity to it. In a lot of instances, the discipline we experienced as kids cannot always be employed these days, which is a failure in our child protective laws. While so focused on keeping kids "safe" from the physical actions of adults, we spend time monitoring what has always until recently, been declared acceptable parenting solutions (i.e., spanking, etc.) and therefore have less time to truly see the children who are not being handled acceptably (i.e., sexual assaults, broken bones, etc.). We've become too caught up in abolishment of all physical discipline to see that there has *always* been a line between the two. And if we cannot trust skilled (supposedly skilled, I should say) people to know and see the line for what it is, then why do we have them in the first place?
Others argue that parents now were treated differently, the rise of the "time out" children has given away to them producing off-spring. Potentially, also correct. In the late eighties, early nineties, the blossom of "new parenting" took place, and everyone was on board with the nature of "talking to your children so they can understand how you feel", and "exploring the option of sitting to think of what they've done alone" instead of the tried and true methods prior. The problem, and one of many, with these actions is that kids haven't developed a sense of adult reasoning. You cannot sit down with a child and explain why Mommy doesn't want to be looked at as the worst mother of the year when you pull down the shelf of candy at the store because I won't buy you one. It's not that simple with children, and in a lot of cases, not even that simple with adults either. Reason and logic don't find hold in children's brains until they can make decisions based on need. And that's not limited to an age (some children advance faster than others), but it's a limit that should be understood by the PARENT. You spend time with your kid, know what he or she is capable of grasping, you should also know what will work in terms of educating your child on behavior needs. I'll say that most kids aren't adapt to understanding those complexities. Most understand my equation above, bad behavior=bad result. And if you think that a "bad result" is sitting your kid down and talking AT them for five, ten, even fifteen minutes, then you yourself need someone to sit down with and figure out what the hell is wrong with you.
None of this is to say that talking to children is useless. It's just not the singular tool it's been made out to be. When I would get in trouble, included in the physical reminder that I was misbehaving, I would also get a short, child-understandable, statement. "You will knock that off or you'll spend the night in your room.", etc. Instead we see parents, like the ones at the salad buffet, literally doing nothing. Why is that? Is it because they don't know *what* to do? Is it because they can't figure out what works with the kid? If either of these are the issue, then seek parenting assistance. It is not the responsibility for the rest of us to face down your screaming kid because you are unsure of how to handle him or her. Where did the parent embarrassment go?
I'll hazard the guess that the whole embarrassment level has decreased because most everyone just pretends that it isn't happening. Whereas years past, a screaming child would get the attention of most everyone around. The eyes would burn into you until you carted that kid out of the room, and took care of the situation so as not to disturb everyone else. I find it interesting we have given over to apparent apathy in this regard. We as a society enjoy our solitude, we aren't "neighborly" as previously, and we don't tend to talk to strangers often. Most are fearful of what or who you could be talking to these days, but even with that need to remain solo and protected within yourself, we don't take a stand to protect ourselves from the onslaught of a kid in full tantrum mode. We don't say anything because that would pop our bubble of solitude. Yet, we are unable to be comfortable because of the action around us. What a vicious circle we dance.
It goes without saying that all of us have experienced these cases, the screaming kid in line at the store, the toddler upset at the table, just as we have experienced the parents that don't even pause in conversation when it happens. The ones that ignore, ignore, ignore and expect us all to do the same. Raising children to see that turning a blind eye to bad action in the world is the only acceptable thing to do. Does anyone take a moment to think that your children will raise children of their own, children who will be raised in the same methods that they themselves experienced? The few of us still around that remember the way it used to be will fade out, and frighteningly be replaced with the new breed of parent, the incompetent one.
In closing I'm going to say that I have had the blessing to see a parent or two from the "olden ways" take control of an out of control kid. I've not seen it enough though. And I'm hoping that if enough of us refuse to accept the behavior of disrespect, that eventually the embarrassment level will return. If you think you can handle little Jeffery or Nicole on your terms, keep in mind that the people who don't think you can, are watching to see how successful you really are.
Friday, December 11, 2009
The complicated and confusing job as a fast-food server
A little more than twelve years ago now, I too worked in the "service industry" as it's so quaintly called. I was a waitress for a little hamburger joint in South Sacramento that on Saturday nights played host to a local classic car club. These were my most hated shifts. The reason being that aside from the difficulty of running down the customers with their orders, which let me say was hard enough in the mix of forty to fifty other people, the grab-assing and general rudeness that accompanies any mix of middle-aged men with beer and cars made my job even harder. I worked four-six hours shifts, rarely getting a moment to catch my breath, and spent most of my time apologizing for the "mistakes" claimed in the order that really were the result of drunken forgetfulness on the customer's fault.
I hated that job. But it was my job, and that's the point of that little jog down memory lane you just went on. I was expected to preform and do well, to not complain, to smile when spoke to, and to provide a service to those who'd paid for it. Be it two dollars or two hundred. Seems that mentality has tipped to the opposite side of the scales, and we are not only watching our youth become less and less valuable contributors, but are forced to bear the result of the apathetic, ineptitude, and point-blank stupidity that they embrace.
In past rants I've talked about the lack of a "drive-thru" any more, saying we should name them instead "drive-wait" or "drive-park". The result of that much needed reconstruction is based solely and completely on the incapability of the people behind the goddamned registers. If the menu was complex, perhaps pages in length, or even if the order could be altered in a number of confusing methods, the time it takes to process it could be *slightly* understood. Maybe even reasoned with. But when it's a menu of nine items in various ways, how difficult can it be? McDonalds serves about seven different types of hamburgers including the new "Angus" style menu. Seven. They also serve three different styles of chicken sandwiches, and of course the infamous and mysteriously derived chicken nuggets. The entire menu is less than twenty items in length. Aside from the minimalistic menus and lack of varieties, has anyone actually seen the registers themselves? They are buttonized so that being literate is the only real requirement for the server. When they say so easy a monkey could do it? They were talking about this.
Short menus, easily typed in orders, brings us to the third job-related detail. The absence of customer service. This, my friends, is the biggest and most important point. No longer do the servers at fast food restaurants *bring* you out the food, carrying it carefully to your table, checking your order over with you to provide any further necessary items that were missed or needed. If you're lucky they'll call out your name, and it'll traditionally be incorrect by most instances because even if your name is John, or Jen, it might as well be Angorilina, or Persephone to them. If it's a number, when you return to pick it up after it's been called don't expect the servers to inspect what they've so painstakingly trayed-up for you, nor expect them to come *back* to the tray to provide any further additions or make any corrections. You should get comfortable, there will be snow in Hawaii before you'll see the damned ketchup.
What in the world is happening to our food sources, you say? There are a number of theories. Some put it up to the lack of money invested in paying these servers. Shorter wages bring out the shorter talents, but investigations on my personal time have uncovered that shorter wages would be a matter of opinion. McDonalds pays it's employees ten dollars an hour to *start* and it's managers (the leaders of these dens of dumbness) well over twenty dollars an hour. Which would put, in some cases, the managers of these places paid more than we pay our Emergency Services professionals.
You'd hope that at least most of the time your order was correct, but you'd be wrong. More than 50% of the time it's missing an item, or something is incorrect in the bag or tray. Gone are the days of restitution, when you'd get the wrong or missing item replaced and often your money refunded for the mistake. Instead you rarely even get an apology, the bag or tray is literally yanked out of your hands and words are exchanged with the other servers, at which time whatever was wrong or missed is corrected in a huff, and the tray or bag is returned to you and the rest return to screwing up the rest of our orders.
Aside from the theory of bad pay for the servers, another would be that the servers themselves are incapable of doing the job. It might sound ridiculous considering the ease of which things have been made, but in some cases when you have people who cannot read or understand what they are reading, the job becomes that much more difficult. Why are these people hired in the first place you may ask, and the reason would be as unknown to me as it is to you. I've seen the economy too people, I know it sucks ass. But that doesn't mean that we hire or employ people incapable of doing the job. Corporations interview dozens of candidates before settling on one person who they believe possesses the most skill sets for a job's task list. I hardly believe this is being done in the fast food industry. Hiring based on application and the ability to write your name shouldn't be the end of the process.
I've focused a lot on McDonald's failures above, but it's not really the biggest fall-out in the fast food community compared others. Taco Bell, Arby's, and the ever-present Jack In the Box for us west coaster's, tend to take the lead on these examples of terrible food stories. With rising costs of product, the fast food companies have compensated by raising the cost of the items on the menu. It's to be expected, however I would expect that the item be what I am using my own economic hardships on. When ordering a roast beef sandwich at Arby's for $5.95, I expect that the bun be intact, not wet to the point of disintegration, and that the roast beef not be burned. It's not that I am asking more of the increase of cost, just the same quality that the $4.25 sandwich two years ago possessed.
It's simple enough to turn a finger and point at the industries apparent disregard for good food, and at least tolerable service. But what of us? What's our roll in this degradation of respect? I'm going to break this down in a simple three-rule method for us all, I use these rules myself in the drive-thru, I suggest everyone take a moment to try them out for the sake of the rest of us behind you in the damned line.
1: Do not order food for four, five, six, or above in the drive thru.
I don't care if you have fucking eighteen toddlers you're feeding with it in the backseat, get out, go in, and get the food.
2: Do not "change your mind" and re-order at the payment or pick up window.
We don't have the time for you "cravings" to change, jackass.
3: Do not count out change to pay for your order entirely.
Paying the change portion in change is one thing, paying out $20.00 in pennies and quarters is a fucking nightmare for the rest of us to sit through.
These might seem like small, simple, common-sense style "Rules" to follow, but if you're aware of them already chances are someone else isn't. I'd truthfully like to believe that the nature of people can be good, that they can indeed just not "know any better", so I cling to that in publishing these, perhaps enlightening someone else to the needs of the rest of us if they are so incapable of seeing it themselves.
Fast-Food is supposed to be what it is; Fast. Your order shouldn't be complicated, your service should be swift but not rude, and the cost should reflect what you get. But should and do are different things to each of us, and while I myself have contemplated beating a server through the window for asking me "so you ordered a cheese burger not a chicken salad?", I stop long enough to think of the difficulty that their taxing jobs are, I think of the hardships in training for such an extensive and complex position within the company, and most of all I remember that they are simply here to teach me patience.
..and if you believe that, I'm sure you'll be interested in this bridge I have for sale..
I hated that job. But it was my job, and that's the point of that little jog down memory lane you just went on. I was expected to preform and do well, to not complain, to smile when spoke to, and to provide a service to those who'd paid for it. Be it two dollars or two hundred. Seems that mentality has tipped to the opposite side of the scales, and we are not only watching our youth become less and less valuable contributors, but are forced to bear the result of the apathetic, ineptitude, and point-blank stupidity that they embrace.
In past rants I've talked about the lack of a "drive-thru" any more, saying we should name them instead "drive-wait" or "drive-park". The result of that much needed reconstruction is based solely and completely on the incapability of the people behind the goddamned registers. If the menu was complex, perhaps pages in length, or even if the order could be altered in a number of confusing methods, the time it takes to process it could be *slightly* understood. Maybe even reasoned with. But when it's a menu of nine items in various ways, how difficult can it be? McDonalds serves about seven different types of hamburgers including the new "Angus" style menu. Seven. They also serve three different styles of chicken sandwiches, and of course the infamous and mysteriously derived chicken nuggets. The entire menu is less than twenty items in length. Aside from the minimalistic menus and lack of varieties, has anyone actually seen the registers themselves? They are buttonized so that being literate is the only real requirement for the server. When they say so easy a monkey could do it? They were talking about this.
Short menus, easily typed in orders, brings us to the third job-related detail. The absence of customer service. This, my friends, is the biggest and most important point. No longer do the servers at fast food restaurants *bring* you out the food, carrying it carefully to your table, checking your order over with you to provide any further necessary items that were missed or needed. If you're lucky they'll call out your name, and it'll traditionally be incorrect by most instances because even if your name is John, or Jen, it might as well be Angorilina, or Persephone to them. If it's a number, when you return to pick it up after it's been called don't expect the servers to inspect what they've so painstakingly trayed-up for you, nor expect them to come *back* to the tray to provide any further additions or make any corrections. You should get comfortable, there will be snow in Hawaii before you'll see the damned ketchup.
What in the world is happening to our food sources, you say? There are a number of theories. Some put it up to the lack of money invested in paying these servers. Shorter wages bring out the shorter talents, but investigations on my personal time have uncovered that shorter wages would be a matter of opinion. McDonalds pays it's employees ten dollars an hour to *start* and it's managers (the leaders of these dens of dumbness) well over twenty dollars an hour. Which would put, in some cases, the managers of these places paid more than we pay our Emergency Services professionals.
You'd hope that at least most of the time your order was correct, but you'd be wrong. More than 50% of the time it's missing an item, or something is incorrect in the bag or tray. Gone are the days of restitution, when you'd get the wrong or missing item replaced and often your money refunded for the mistake. Instead you rarely even get an apology, the bag or tray is literally yanked out of your hands and words are exchanged with the other servers, at which time whatever was wrong or missed is corrected in a huff, and the tray or bag is returned to you and the rest return to screwing up the rest of our orders.
Aside from the theory of bad pay for the servers, another would be that the servers themselves are incapable of doing the job. It might sound ridiculous considering the ease of which things have been made, but in some cases when you have people who cannot read or understand what they are reading, the job becomes that much more difficult. Why are these people hired in the first place you may ask, and the reason would be as unknown to me as it is to you. I've seen the economy too people, I know it sucks ass. But that doesn't mean that we hire or employ people incapable of doing the job. Corporations interview dozens of candidates before settling on one person who they believe possesses the most skill sets for a job's task list. I hardly believe this is being done in the fast food industry. Hiring based on application and the ability to write your name shouldn't be the end of the process.
I've focused a lot on McDonald's failures above, but it's not really the biggest fall-out in the fast food community compared others. Taco Bell, Arby's, and the ever-present Jack In the Box for us west coaster's, tend to take the lead on these examples of terrible food stories. With rising costs of product, the fast food companies have compensated by raising the cost of the items on the menu. It's to be expected, however I would expect that the item be what I am using my own economic hardships on. When ordering a roast beef sandwich at Arby's for $5.95, I expect that the bun be intact, not wet to the point of disintegration, and that the roast beef not be burned. It's not that I am asking more of the increase of cost, just the same quality that the $4.25 sandwich two years ago possessed.
It's simple enough to turn a finger and point at the industries apparent disregard for good food, and at least tolerable service. But what of us? What's our roll in this degradation of respect? I'm going to break this down in a simple three-rule method for us all, I use these rules myself in the drive-thru, I suggest everyone take a moment to try them out for the sake of the rest of us behind you in the damned line.
1: Do not order food for four, five, six, or above in the drive thru.
I don't care if you have fucking eighteen toddlers you're feeding with it in the backseat, get out, go in, and get the food.
2: Do not "change your mind" and re-order at the payment or pick up window.
We don't have the time for you "cravings" to change, jackass.
3: Do not count out change to pay for your order entirely.
Paying the change portion in change is one thing, paying out $20.00 in pennies and quarters is a fucking nightmare for the rest of us to sit through.
These might seem like small, simple, common-sense style "Rules" to follow, but if you're aware of them already chances are someone else isn't. I'd truthfully like to believe that the nature of people can be good, that they can indeed just not "know any better", so I cling to that in publishing these, perhaps enlightening someone else to the needs of the rest of us if they are so incapable of seeing it themselves.
Fast-Food is supposed to be what it is; Fast. Your order shouldn't be complicated, your service should be swift but not rude, and the cost should reflect what you get. But should and do are different things to each of us, and while I myself have contemplated beating a server through the window for asking me "so you ordered a cheese burger not a chicken salad?", I stop long enough to think of the difficulty that their taxing jobs are, I think of the hardships in training for such an extensive and complex position within the company, and most of all I remember that they are simply here to teach me patience.
..and if you believe that, I'm sure you'll be interested in this bridge I have for sale..
Thursday, December 10, 2009
I.Have.Returned
..after a long hiatus, I'm back.
And I have more to talk about then ever, so let's get the preliminaries done first, shall we?
Number one:
I curse. I curse a lot. If you're offended by cursing, then you'll need to hit that little button up there that sends you back to whatever Goldie Locks land you came from, and make it a point to never venture back here again.
Number two:
I talk about things that everyone thinks, but no one feels like they can/should say. It's a point of mine to address what is often overlooked by the general population, and bring to light all the things that if given a sound-proof room, potentially no proof of the action, and maybe a bottle of Jack (or whatever you toss back to loosen your tongues), you'd like to vent about. If you're lookin' for a lightness and positivity speech, see Number one above.
Number three:
This will be a public forum. I don't condone, or commend, any comments made. Talk if you'd like, read if you want. Either way, I plan on continuing writing. I'm sure they'll come some contention, maybe even flat out disagreement with my points or examples, and you're entitled to them. Same as I am. If you want to debate a point, email me. Don't use my forum for it.
That's it, three simple little basics. In general the people who've followed my written rants for years now know what to expect from me. The newcomers will learn, and in the end with either join the fans or join the opposition. And it'd be wrong of any to think everything I say will be negative, sometimes (although rarer than the rest) I'll have something to promote or to send a kudos out for. It's not common, but it's when deserved.
So settle in, get a drink, lock the door, whatever makes you happy. I'm about to do what makes me...
And I have more to talk about then ever, so let's get the preliminaries done first, shall we?
Number one:
I curse. I curse a lot. If you're offended by cursing, then you'll need to hit that little button up there that sends you back to whatever Goldie Locks land you came from, and make it a point to never venture back here again.
Number two:
I talk about things that everyone thinks, but no one feels like they can/should say. It's a point of mine to address what is often overlooked by the general population, and bring to light all the things that if given a sound-proof room, potentially no proof of the action, and maybe a bottle of Jack (or whatever you toss back to loosen your tongues), you'd like to vent about. If you're lookin' for a lightness and positivity speech, see Number one above.
Number three:
This will be a public forum. I don't condone, or commend, any comments made. Talk if you'd like, read if you want. Either way, I plan on continuing writing. I'm sure they'll come some contention, maybe even flat out disagreement with my points or examples, and you're entitled to them. Same as I am. If you want to debate a point, email me. Don't use my forum for it.
That's it, three simple little basics. In general the people who've followed my written rants for years now know what to expect from me. The newcomers will learn, and in the end with either join the fans or join the opposition. And it'd be wrong of any to think everything I say will be negative, sometimes (although rarer than the rest) I'll have something to promote or to send a kudos out for. It's not common, but it's when deserved.
So settle in, get a drink, lock the door, whatever makes you happy. I'm about to do what makes me...
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