What are you looking at?

We're all guilty of it.
We've all watched other people do it.
Not many of us have actually realized we're doing it.

Judgement. Perhaps the hardest word in the human language to say without shame. It's the nature of us however, to look at a situation and decide on it's facts (and sometimes without them) the conclusion of it; be it negative or positive. The old saying of "quick to cast judgement" is growing truer by the day as we as a society go from the general "nudgings" of our peers and friends, amplified by the need to fit in and be accepted ourselves, to basing and entire opinion of someone or something on a flash of a moment. We don't need the encouragement of our fellow man or woman..we make the decision, the judgement, based on our impressions and ours alone.

Like I said, we've all been guilty of doing it more than once. You're standing in a store and someone is standing behind you. Maybe they are dressed in a way that would make you fearful or at the least, leery of what they would need to be so close to you before. Do you move forward a little, hope that the step away was a clear statement of "back off you asshole" or do you turn around and face the stranger with a comment about your personal space? Maybe you say nothing. In your mind you wonder to what the intentions might be, but you stay still..you wait. And..you judge. The stranger could do nothing more than put his bag of dog food on the conveyor belt of the grocery store lane, but as you walk out with your half gallon of milk and box of corn flakes you glance over your shoulder at him. In your eyes is all the words that need to be said; I don't trust you. We never take into consideration how impactful that gaze is. We don't truly care, as soon as we are in the safety of our cars, our friends, even our homes, we don't give it another passing thought.

My brother has a lot of tattoos. It's not uncommon, hell it's probably MORE uncommon not to have them these days. However, he can walk into any store or restaurant at any time and the looks are immediate. They say "is he a convict" or "is he safe", some say "I'm afraid", and others say "what should I do"..but the majority just stare. As if the gaze they are casting isn't clear enough to him, and should he be so bold as the smile or nod, the eyes are shifted away and a sense of unease can be felt by anyone. It's not necessarily shame in the eyes of those people, it's embarrassment that they were caught. Caught in the middle of judging him.

He's a smart man, with a GPA in college that would shock all of them into silence, but he's never given the chance to show his intelligence, nor his compassion which is deep and unfailingly chivalrous in nature. No one takes a moment to notice the way he opens the door for the older woman who was behind him before he walked in. No one saw that he smiled at the man in the wheel chair who glanced up as he passed. Of course not..they were busy.

So we've become the people who can tell everything about a person in a half-minute sum up. We can see the goodness or the evil in everything they do. They are no more complex than a flower we pick up and think is pretty because of it's colors; never mind it being poisonous. It's become the faults of those judged now, that they being able to express themselves with tattooing, different colored hair, even a different accent, they should change; not us. They should wear black if they don't want to be looked at as "goth" or "devil worshippers"..they should tattoo themselves if they don't want to be criminals, they shouldn't be here because they are black or latino if they don't want to be stared at. How compassionate of US. The thin line gets so narrow it becomes discrimination, yet we walk it often..and carelessly.

So where's the flip-side of this coin, Oceanna? What about us who were too kind to the "wrong" person, or too dismissive of that stranger in line behind us and were robbed, beaten, raped, or threatened for our naivety? I say it's not caution I advise against; we are not a world of kindness and love as many would hope. We are a rough and tumble group, with a heavy mix of dangerous fellas and girls who would rather hurt many of us than look at us. Being careful was never the problem, my friends. Where's the line then..where's the line between being judgemental and being cautious? Wouldn't we be judging someone even if we are cautious? Who's to say that my version of careful isn't sizing up the man behind me in line to make sure he doesn't follow me to my car and do terrible things to me? It's as thin as the discrimination line is, the boundary between the two. And it's not as distinguishable either, so don't think you'll always be on it and not sliding into the judgement side of the equation. But the first step is attempt..it's being watchful without being cruel, there is no need to stare for a period of time at someone. There is also the point of literally giving the option for goodness in them; sure they might not be, but what if they are? Are you willing to accept that because they don't look like you do that they might be and even better person than you are? If you can't say you know them, what makes you think they are all that you fear?

This is NOT an easy question to understand. It'll never be as long as we live in a place that acts as it's own reflection; what I am is what you should be. When we become a people that look at each other with interest and at the very least acceptance, we'll understand what it means to be non-judgemental. In the meantime, don't let your eye fool you. Not everything is so easily accessed..how would you feel if someone thought the worst of you?


"We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the hateful words and actions of the bad people but for the appalling silence of the good people."
--Martin Luther King Jr.